The End of Doris's Vampirism - and the Story

Patrick's birthday came around, and he enthusiastically blew out his candles while his mother and father cheered him on.

In a swirl of red light and flapping bats, Patrick grew into a full-grown, fully vampiric adult - and quite a good-looking one at that.

Meanwhile, tired of burning and complaining during her favorite past-time, Doris purchased a 3,000 Simoleon cure for vampirism and was returned to the land of the living.

Patrick did the same, because he took a job at the science research facility, and needed to increase his gardening skill. It's rather adorable to watch Doris and her son as they work in the garden together.

Patrick fulfilled his Lifetime Wish when he was still a teenager, thanks to his enhanced abilities when he was a vampire. He still has some challenges to complete - he wants to do 60 hours of strength workouts, 75 hours of cardio workouts, and jog 500 kilometers. Anyway, since he's so into working out, dude is cut.

I wasn't sure that Patrick's cure of vampirism had worked, but on the night that I stopped playing Doris's game, I saw the telltale sign: Zs instead of Vs. Sleep well, Bunches.

Burglars and Peeping Toms

It seems that when I install burglar alarms, I will not see a burglar for the entire extent of the game. However, when I neglect to buy them, a burglar will inevitably show up at some point. The foul fiend stole their computer.

Patrick woke up and phoned the police.

The burglar sprinted down the street just as the police car drove into sight.

In the days since she quit her job at the restaurant, Doris's foolishness in wanting to be a vampire has become increasingly evident, as her favorite past-time is now working in her garden. Doris, vampires don't like the sun, remember? Oy.

So every day she gets up and weeds and waters and harvests - in her nightgown, usually - all the while smoking and complaining about the sun. Boo hoo.

This really has nothing to do with anything else in the story, but since the Bunches are mildly famous, random people show up to peek in their windows and see what's going on. It's the price of celebrity, I guess, except that despite being a household of vampires, the Bunches are really depressingly vanilla. I guess that's why people keep making up scandals about Doris.

Bonjour, Doris!

I can't imagine what's happened to the video - I must have deleted it accidentally - but Doris, a little bored and curious, asked her husband to turn her into a vampire. He lovingly and gently bit her neck. Over the next week she felt odd burning and itching sensations, until she turned into a vampire.

As a celebration of Doris's recent birthday and turning, the Bunches headed out to France. They checked in for their adventures. I don't recall what Doris's was exactly, but it required her to chisel at rock.

Ethan was asked to fish up three frogs so that someone could have a dinner party featuring frog legs. Despite his strong aversion to sun, Ethan went to the sleepy looking river and cast his line into a promising spot where the fish were jumping.

The sun was eventually too much for him. In Sims 3, Vampires don't die from exposure to sun. They just pass out. Poor smoking Ethan keeled over while concerned Frenchmen looked on.

After that bit of unpleasantness, Ethan and Doris just wanted to go home, and I was tired of following all three of them around Champs le Sims anyway, so I sent them home while Patrick stayed. A paparazzi discovered he was there, sneaked into his bedroom, and started snapping pictures of him. Creepy.

Patrick got that stupid baseball adventure that I hate so much. All beginning adventurers get it, but I hate it 'cause it's stupid and easy. Anyway, he got the damn baseball and took it to its owner and, I presume, expressed his own disgust over this mission.

Then he was commissioned to find some delicious nectar in the tunnels under the nectary. Yes, nectar and nectary. Not wine, you terrible people! Sims don't drink!

Anyway. He went under the tunnels on this thoroughly uninspiring mission, found the nectar, and then ran about a dozen more stupid errands, including making a salad for the person who wanted the nectar in the first place.

At some point the trip was over and Patrick returned safely home.

Elder Doris

Today was Doris's birthday. It took me a little by surprise, so there was no cake and no brief party. She simply got up from her computer desk and began whooping and cheering. Apparently she was excited to become old.

Fortunately, Ethan's love her is beyond such considerations as age. It would be mean of him to be prejudiced against her anyway, since he's a vampire and has an unnaturally long lifespan.

Patrick has grown into a teenager. He is brave, easily-impressed, athletic, and a bookworm. He also cooks breakfast for himself since Doris works late nights and can't be fussed to get up and make him some food.

Now that Doris is a minor celebrity, rumors tend to swirl about her. The first was that she had wet herself in public. As Doris has never done this in her life, she was humiliated and angry. She headed immediately to the Doo Peas Corporate Tower to deflect the scandal on some less fortunate soul.

She told them that Morgana Wolff, wife of local millionaire Thornton Wolff, was really the one who had wet her pants in public. They didn't believe her, so Doris had to deal with a scandal-induced negative moodlet for three days, and I had to deal with her incessant whining about how unhappy she was. Drama queen.

Meanwhile, Patrick decided on the Lifetime Wish "Perfect Mind, Perfect Body" which means that he wanted to max out his athletic and logic skills. To that end, he spent hours in front of the TV and on the exercise machines.

He also screamed at - I mean, "trained" - much older Sims on the machines.

Patrick has grown into a normal-looking teenager except for his green skin and orange eyes.

Doris was the second in her little family to achieve her Lifetime Wish. She was promoted to Celebrated Five-Star Chef three days after her birthday. Congratulations, Doris!

Chillin'

Dontcha hate it when maids walk in on you in the shower? Doris does.

Ethan promised to provide City Hall with 15 paintings. Because I am impatient, I made sure that he painted small paintings.

Patrick is Athletic, which means he likes to work out. His skill doesn't get any better, but he thinks it's fun.

Ethan got invited to a party. The guy can't even behave at a party. When he got there, he started acting like a creepy jerk. Then he got inside and hunted, looking like a crazy person the whole time. It's a miracle no one kicked him out.

Patrick is also a Bookworm, which means that he's already reading books much too difficult for him. He'll read on the couch, or chilling on his bed, listening to his tunes.

He will also occasionally coax his vampiric father to play catch outside, or his couch potato mother to get off her butt and play tag. Neither of them are particularly thrilled about this, but they play along because they love their son.

Next time: Doris is old.

Like Father, Like Son

Chief amongst Ethan's vampiric benefits are mind control and hunting. He can read Sims' minds to learn their traits, careers, and favorites. This is useful when he wants to soften them up before he asks to drink their "plasma." He can also make Sims think about him, which appears to be ripped straight from what I understand happens in Twilight. I wouldn't know for sure, having never read the books or seen the movies.

It's ever so slightly creepy. Here, Doris is assailed with romantic thoughts of Ethan.

Ethan can also hunt. He walks around outside or in a community building and acts very creepily while searching for a warm-blooded Sim to target. He apparently sees them with heat-seeking vision.

When Patrick grew into a child, it became evident that he had inherited vampiric traits. The first telltale sign was that, when he slept, he snored "V"s instead of "Z"s.

He does not thirst for plasma the way his father does, but when he gets hungry he will sometimes want to grab a plasma juice box. The juice boxes fill his hunger bar the same way sandwiches and pancakes would, and they take less time to consume.

Patrick also has the ability to learn skills at an inhumanely fast rate. When Ethan helped him with his homework one night, Patrick finished in about a third of the time that normal Sim children would have finished. Little bats flitted around his completion indicator, too.

Patrick can also work out for indefinite periods of time without getting tired or sore, and though he has all these vampiric attributes, he doesn't mind the sun. Really, he gets the best of both worlds!

Learning Important Skills

Since Doris is bringing home the bacon, Ethan is the one who has taught young Patrick all he needs to know about being a vampire/Sim half-breed.

Lesson 1: Laugh and talk with your victims. They'll never know what hit 'em.

Lesson 2: Victims who have been drinking cola might not be the best. They're jittery and caffeinated. It might be best to wait till they've come down a bit.

Lesson 3: Don't have accidents in public. It will ruin your mystique.

Lesson 4: Stalk carefully. You don't want to scare Sims away.

Lesson 5: Plan your attack, and act swiftly. Don't give your victim time to react.

Do you see what Patrick is doing? Do you??? He is biting his teddy bear on the neck!!! No offense, Doris, but your kid is a freak.

Sneak Peek

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for a preview of the next Sim: Martin.

He is an Artistic, Friendly, Flirty Slob who loves to party. He wants to live the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

(I think his hair might be too red.)

Patrick is, Uh, Creepy

A few days after his birth, Patrick grew into a toddler. Ethan and Doris don't have much money right now, but they did get hold of a birthday cake to celebrate.

Do you see Ethan's creepy eyes? DO YOU?

"You did it, Patrick!"

Uh...wow.

So many things wrong with this development. Where do I begin? I know: this kid is so creepy, with his greenish skin, clear orange eyes that shine in the dark, supernaturally rosy cheeks, and randomly brown hair. Doris has black hair and Ethan blond...how did he end up with brown?

One other thing wrong with this: when Ethan spawned Patrick here, Ethan was not yet a vampire. He wasn't born a vampire, and he wasn't bitten until after Doris was puking her guts out at their old house. So how did Patrick acquire these vampiric traits? I am confused.

Doris doesn't seem in the least weirded out by her vampiric husband and son, so I guess I shouldn't complain, right?

Their house is still too small for Patrick to have all these toys in his bedroom!

I didn't get footage of it because I was too annoyed, but when it was time for Patrick to go to bed, Ethan had to chase him all over the damn second floor before he could even get close enough to pick him up. Now that I think about it, it's funny, but at the time, when Patrick was hungry and had a dirty diaper and wanted to sleep? Brutal.